Whatever Happened To The "Real" Vampires?!

I read a friend's Facebook update the other day which said something to the effect of: "New Moon this week... can't wait!" A couple others posted similar sentiments, and I became more and more confused.

Being as out of touch with pop culture as I am, I went on over to the Weather Channel's website to see what I could find out. Why was everyone so excited about the viewing patterns of the lunar moon all of a sudden? Was there a once-in-a-lifetime cosmic event I was unaware of or something?

Uh... ah, oooooh... that new vampire movie, with the emo teenagers, their rippling abs, pasty complexions, and sour-puss, angst-ridden dilemmas.

Nothing against anyone who enjoys this genre. After all, the actors from the Twilight series are apparently the new Beatles, judging by the high-pitched shrieking they're met with at every public appearance, and the non-stop hype they're getting across all media outlets.

But, well, this just ain't my cup 'o blood.

I was raised on the "classic" vampire, the middle-aged, widow peak-wearing, caped villain who slept in a coffin and feared only the sunlight and the possibility of a wooden stake being driven through his heart.

You know, the kinda guy who might have dwelled in a place like this...

Photo courtesy of the Wildwood Historical Society

See, Count Dracula possessed true style, grace, and an undeniable classiness, without even trying. He wasn't worried about true love or any of that other wishy-washy stuff.

But he would invite you into his home, wine and dine and show you a good time, before... well, you know.

Where have all the REAL vampires gone...?